Crawling up and along the Thai Border and the final days rolling down into Chiang Mai

After 3 beers last night I woke up early with a dull headache but full of energy and enthusiasm to get going on my scenic cycle up the mountain ridge that defines the Thai border with Burma. My journal betrays that maybe my energy and enthusiasm didn’t last the day out detailing one simple line for “Day 21” – “HARD AS SHIT!”

Another whitewashed
temple above Mae Sae

The day started well enough as I hit the road, loaded with snacks at 6:30am. I passed a line of monks silently collecting alms in the early morning shadow of a temple containing a huge reclining Buddha. Turning left, away from the river I headed uphill and circled round to another whitewashed temple overlooking the city which I explored on foot until a military jeep full of Thai soldiers pulled up to drop off a sole monk, presumably to open the temple for the day. Leaving the temple behind, the narrow road went up, almost straight up – quickly hitting first 15%, then 17% and finally 20%. Not only was I weaving about on the constant switchbacks but I also had to deal with the damp road, dodge increasingly large patches of slippery moss and avoid scary looking hairy caterpillars suspended in in the middle of the road attached to overhanging branches by their silk. These caterpillars looked like the type you didn’t want to touch and sure enough when I collided with a couple later in the day they produced some nasty skin irritation. As the road ramped up, I was also forced to zig-zag across the road simply to maintain momentum and prevent me from having to get off and walk. The morning was cool but the humidity oppressive, in no time I was covered in sweat but doing my damnedest to enjoy myself.

Scary looking caterpillar, I'd find loads of the hanging from the trees 

Up into the clouds along the Burmese border

After a few kilometres I hit the first military checkpoint where a few guys leaped up from their slumber behind the barrier to quiz me on where I was going in broken English. They pointlessly checked my passport as a matter of routine and told me Tha Ton was 71km away (in fact much further) and by sign language exclaimed how the road was very steep. I smiled back and pointed onwards up the road, they laughed, handed back my passport, lifted the barrier and waved me through onto the empty road – they clearly thought I was mad! The road was eaten away by undergrowth at its edges with oppressive jungle encroaching on both sides leaving a navigable section barely a car wide in the middle. Up and up the road goes without a person or vehicle to be seen, the Burmese border is on my right but I can’t see a thing as I climb through thick clouds and dense jungle. Each ridge brings only brief relief in a short downhill before revealing yet more steep switchbacks uphill. I’m waved through another military checkpoint by smiling soldiers who had either been pre-warned or simply think I’m too mad to be a risk. Emerging from the clouds I pass through a tribal village causing a grandpa playing with his grandson on the road to leap out his skin in shock, all I can do it smile whilst sweating some more and continuing uphill. 

Up & Up 30% grades, so steep I have to push my bike

The road seems more used up here but it continues to rise at 20% and I’m forced to zig-zag across it; suddenly the road steepens some more and I mistime a zag causing me to come to an abrupt halt. I’m forced to push the bike uphill for the next few minutes at less Back on the bike, crazy switchbacks and heavy tarmac make it really tough work. I’m following the ridge up the mountain now, below me to my right Burmese mountains stretch into the distance and it’s no longer difficult to imagine plenty of places to subtly hide a few poppy fields and maintain a lawless backwater. Each gulley is blocked by barbed wire, a vague attempt at maintaining the border; one of the first people I encountered was a motorcyclist who came down a clearly visible dirt track on the Burmese side, straight through a gap in the barbed wire and headed onwards down the Thai border road. Further along I surprise an guy fiddling with the barbed wire in one of the many gulleys but don’t hang around to ask what he’s up to.

The road seems more used up here but it continues to rise at 20% and I’m forced to zig-zag across it; suddenly the road steepens some more and I mistime a zag causing me to come to an abrupt halt. I’m forced to push the bike uphill for the next few minutes at less than 2mph as the road steepens to 25 or 30%, too slow for my speedo to register. Back on the bike, crazy switchbacks and heavy tarmac make it really tough work. I’m following the ridge up the mountain now, below me to my right Burmese mountains stretch into the distance and it’s no longer difficult to imagine plenty of places to subtly hide a few poppy fields and maintain a lawless backwater. Each gulley is blocked by barbed wire, a vague attempt at maintaining the border; one of the first people I encountered was a motorcyclist who came down a clearly visible dirt track on the Burmese side, straight through a gap in the barbed wire and headed onwards down the Thai border road. Further along I surprise an guy fiddling with the barbed wire in one of the many gulleys but don’t hang around to ask what he’s up to.

Even Trevor needed a rest on these hills - it took 3 hours to get 12 miles to the top

Further up I literally climb – pushing the bike ahead of me, up to another hill tribe village of thatch houses perched on the Thai side of the ridge, clinging to steep, almost vertical slopes, overlooking the pan flat valley 1,000m below – the same valley I’d have been cycling through had I taken the main road! The view is absolutely stunning but by this point I’m questioning whether it’s worth the effort (of course it was) and take yet another break to allow some sweat to evaporate from my drenched shirt. Past the village the ridge finally turns into a long false flat creeping further uphill through pine forests on both sides of the border. 

Burmese military position on the peak of the mountain,
with Motte & Bailey style defences

Finally I’m waved through the final military checkpoint by some bored looking soldiers and spot the mountain peak identified by two military checkpoints. The first, on the Burmese side, flies the Myanmar flag from what looks like a Motte and Bailey style fortress where soldiers can be heard scurrying around behind the lines of wooden stakes. The second, slightly higher is the Thai post commanding a panoramic view over the surrounding mountains stretching out as far as the eye can see into Burma. Surprisingly, half the military post is open to the public as a garden complete with bunkers painted green like the perfectly manicured lawns and well-tended flowerbeds. Pill-boxes and trenches look down on the Burmese post and its surrounding mountains and surprisingly the soldiers are happy for me to take as many pictures as I like.

Thai military position overlooking Burma and their military post

Bunkers overlooking Burma

It’s taken me over 3 hours to cycle 12 miles up to the top of the ridge, during that time I’ve hit 2 hairy caterpillars, walked my bike maybe a mile, gained over 3,000 ft on the bike and probably another 1000+ft pushing it. Finally I’m rewarded with a short run downhill to the Doi Tung Royal Arboretum where I find a bus-load of Thai tourists arriving from the valley below for an escorted walk around the gardens. I decide to take a break myself and spend a little time wandering round the gardens on my own. Several enticing viewpoints are blocked by the trees themselves but all the same the gardens are stunning. 

Doi Tung Royal Arboretum

Map of the back roads to Doi Tung telling motorists to avoid  all
the roads I'm riding on as they're too steep and winding

Heading on downhill the damp road plummets through tight switchbacks and the encroaching slippery moss returns forcing me to keep hard on the brakes. Various breaks in the thick overhanging canopy reveal stunning views down deep forested valleys. I manage to find my way past a temple, through several unsigned road junctions and onto the Doi Tung Royal Complex – a picturesque getaway from the heat of Chiang Mai perched high in the lush mountains with vast tourist facilities alongside the royal palace and gardens. It feels strange eating lunch in a modern cafeteria but I was starving so I inhale my lunch despite the chicken I was promised as mild being hot as hell. Inspecting the tourist driving map outside I find that I’ve been riding all the “steep, curved” roads, where driving is not advised due to their dangerous nature, further my onward route follow more of the same…

Steep roads headed towards Doi Maesong

Resigned to my fate, I plunge down the road to Doi (Mountain) Maesong, but what goes down at 20% grades, goes back up at 20 % after the tiny scenic bridge over a gurgling stream. The road here is good and I’m able to ride fast and aggressive downhill, but up the other side it’s so steep I’m back to walking in a couple of places. The road finally flattens out and the forest turns to expansive farmland; with the sun beating down I decide to take a “shortcut” to avoid climbing another mountain (Doi Maesong). Everything starts promisingly with 3km on flat as the road follows the river, but I’m forced to trust to fate as the highway markers have been painted over suggesting that even if I am on the right road it’s been downgraded to an unmaintained back road. Over the river, the road bucks up again and I’m almost in tears as the surface begins to break up making the steep 2,000ft climb incredibly energy sapping. Over the top the road drops steeply into a deep, stunning valley revealing tiny villages and gold-topped stupas glinting in the late afternoon sunlight. I’m too tired to brake hard and instead trust my instinct to guide me round the tight switchbacks over rough, rock strewn tarmac. My instinct doesn’t let me down but suddenly I’m forced to break as the road comes to an abrupt halt at what looks like a main road full of neatly uniformed school children ferrying back from school. I pause at a military checkpoint conveniently placed at the T-junction to check that this road is the one I want and after 5 minutes of maps, hand signals and forlorn attempts to pronounce Tha Ton, I think I’ve found the right road and head on west.

It’s taken me most of the day to get 40 miles, but I’m finally on the main road, any other day this road would have felt like tough rolling terrain in sweltering heat, but today it feels like a cruisy lap of honour as I ride slowly into Tha Ton along a small river as the sun sets behind steep slopes to the right. The last of the day’s sun slants across rice paddies in the plains and glints off golden stupas and statues on the slopes above Tha Ton where some of the 9 levels of the Wat Tha Ton are clearly visible from the road. Despite such a long day, my adventures are not quite over, I check into a hotel recommended by Laura (the touring cyclist I’d met in Mae Sae) which proclaims to have a pool, which is of course empty, but does have some attractive and cheap thatch rooms. I’m too tired and hungry to dine anywhere else and wolf down a tasty green thai curry. An old English guy called Steve talks at me for a while – proclaiming his way of life, hitching from town-to-town, picking up the odd manual job here and there but frequently getting money by scamming foreign tourists or relying on handouts from Thai tourists. He’d been doing this for 10 years and to be honest made me feel distinctly uneasy, fortunately he headed off to bed ready to get up early and hitch out of town.

 Finally, I get “lucky” when the hotel owner presents me with a bowl of scrunched up papers, I pull out one marked “lucky” and I’m rewarded with a free 40 minute massage, just when I’d rather go to sleep. Feeling it rude to say no I end up spending the next hour being pummelled on a bed by a tiny Thai guy who first asked me to replace my clothes with a towel before spraying me all over with oil… I think it was all above board but it did get a little uncomfortable as he worked out the tightness in my groin and he was very enthused by my big muscles proclaiming he’d be happy to work on them some more as they were so tight after all my cycling as I headed off to bed alone.

The day had been epic, I’d only cycled 70 miles but had climbed 8,900ft on the bike plus maybe 1,000 or more walking, it could have easily been my first 10,000ft day and almost all of that was within the first 40 miles! My average speed was dragged up to 8.9mph by the rolling 30 miles into Tha Ton, without which it would have been much lower, and didn’t include maybe a mile of walking at less than 2mph.

Looking down on Tha Ton in the early morning

The next day my legs didn’t feel too bad, maybe the massage was good for them, but my neck was sore after he’d ricked it the night before. Even so, I couldn’t face the 3km walk up the 9 levels of the Wat Tha Ton and stopped at level 3 or 4 in front of a huge white Buddha with views over the rice paddies below coated in a thin cloud slowly burning off in the morning sun. The promised big climbs on my map failed to materialise and I cruised along the flat valley between steep mountains at 16-17mph enjoying the ease of flat riding after what felt like days in the mountains (it was one day). As the towns get bigger there’s little to bother stopping for other than a small roadside market where I find an awesome lunch of pork in gravy followed by bananas for dessert. I get a few smiles and thumbs up from passing motorbikes and packed out trailers but it’s largely uneventful as the stunning scenery largely passes me by. I could probably have cruised onto Chiang Mai but instead stop at Doi Chung around 1:30pm and stay at Mon & Kurt’s where the road up to the Doi Chung caves runs off the main road. 

Flat roads into Doi Chung

Beautiful fish ponds fed by the waters flowing
out of the Chiang Dao caves

The cave entrance sits at the base of the huge Doi Chung mountain range surrounded by temples and lakes filled with huge carp and bright blue water filtered through the limestone rock. The caves themselves penetrate 10-14km into the mountain and used to be inhabited by now legendary hermits. I pick up a guide from the local village who brings along her own flickering gas lamp; she takes me through a series of vast caverns connected by tiny holes I’m forced to crawl through. Each rock formation has a name according to its vague likeness, my guide reels off 10s of them as if we were walking round a nature park. Bats squeak above our heads and I’m glad to see that their crap must be cleared up by somebody. My guide also points out that we’re frequently walking on a river bed and once the wet season gets in full flow the water will rise to the water marks several feet up the tunnel walls. Heading towards a dead end a couple of guides converse in Thai and look uneasy, the reason, it appears is a snake that I catch a glimpse of as we pass, however, on our return it’s out in the open much closer to the path. Of course, I stop to take a photo, just as the snake starts slivering towards the narrow gap leading back to safety – my guide panics and leaps through the gap, taking the lamp with her just as my flash captures the moment and I’m left scrambling for the gap as my light fades into the distance. Fortunately the snake wasn’t that fast.

Chiang Dao Caves - I was guided around by a lovely local women with a flashlight

The snake that scared off my guide, the only one with a flashlight...

Back at Mon & Kurt’s Farangs come and go, attracted by the great food (burger recommended), cold beer and ex-pat chat. During the course of the evening I meet a friendly Aussie on a rented motorbike from Chiang Mai, a quiet Russian couple, a young Philippian English teacher and an older, colonially minded, English couple who again talk at me for almost an hour without listening to, or expecting, a word coming the other way – seems to be a particular ex-pat trait which is not very appealing.

You better take notice of animals on the road in Thailand

Day 23 is my last day cycling with purpose in a year away from home. I can’t help but get up early and get going despite it only being 45 miles to Chiang Mai. Again the road is relatively flat following the river along the valley surrounded by steep mountains. I pass elephant parks without stopping, the choreographed “elephant show” didn’t really appeal and anyway I was too early. Just up the road there’s a sign warning you to watch out for ELEPHANTS on the road, that certainly beats kangaroos, koala and deer. 

And sure enough there's an elephant just round the corner

It seems crazy but a few hundred metres further along I spot an elephant chilling out next to the river, calmly swinging its head from side to side. As I get closer to Chiang Mai the road gets progressively busier, trucks, cars and motorbikes kick up dust & fumes and noise invades my ears making me feel slightly sick. Motos and bikes are all over the road meaning it’s pretty safe to ride, some of the motos are even slower than me on the flat. At Mae Rim I duck of the main road onto the road up the shallow Mae Sa valley – almost the garden, theme park and adventure centre for Chiang Mai. 

Sharing a coffee with a butterfly

Lovely orchids in the gardens around  the Mae Sa valley

I stop next to the Tiger Kingdom but decline to go in once I realise it’s just a photo opportunity with tame caged tigers – not ideal. All the “wildlife” centres along the valley have a similar circus show theme so I also avoid the moneys, snakes & alligators. Instead I duck off to a coffee shop next to a lagoon and chill out in the shade as a butterfly settles on my notebook, presumably sucking up any salts it can get. I take another break in the pleasant Samnaiphung Orchid Farm around the corner. It’s laid out for huge tour groups, but the sales reps doze at their counters as I peacefully wander around the lines of commercially grown orchids and delightful gardens.

I head further up the valley and pass X-Sports ATV centres, luxury resorts and finally find the Mae Sa Waterfalls National Park – 10 stepped waterfalls up a steep path alongside the river. Each has its own character and in a few there are large pools you can swim in. It’s sweaty work getting to the top of the falls so I’m happy to dive into the fresh water and bury my head in the falls on my way back down. It’s hot, humid and I’m tired by the time I leave the falls so I opt out of the longer Samoeng Loop and instead head back down the valley back to the main road into Chiang Mai. The main road’s very busy but I’m comfortable bombing along the moto lane, keeping my speed up to stay with the flow of the traffic.

Mae Sa waterfalls, 10 levels in a steamy national park

Riding into the centre of Chiang Mai is surprisingly simple as I quickly happen on the moat and wall surrounding the old city, crossing the moat and in through the wall my Asian cycle is at an end, just over 1,000 miles after it started. Over the course of which I’ve cycled up the equivalent of Mt Everest 2.7 times in near 100% humidity and temperatures of up to 35 or 40 degrees. It was tough, tougher than anything I’ve cycled before, but looking back a few weeks later the pain fades away but the amazing experiences remain. It’s hard to envisage what comes next but I started with a few days chilling out in Chiang Mai & Singapore.